‘How to Do It’ is a sex advice column by Slate. Got a query?Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s completely anonymous.
Hello How to Do It,
After being in long-distance relationship for years, my boyfriend and I (both trans men in our 20s) finally moved in together. We only recently started getting intimate due to some reservations of mine that he was kind enough to respect. We are getting more comfortable now, but we live with a roommate who only works short shifts in the morning. Because of this, we can only manage to have sex once a month due to the lack of privacy.
My boyfriend is quite vocal during sex, and we both feel awkward doing it while someone else is home. The problem is made worse by the fact that I can take up to an hour to climax during sex, so we need a significant amount of time. The roommate is a good friend of ours, and we don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable or unwelcome by asking them to give us some privacy. However, I also don’t like the idea of setting early alarms on my days off from my demanding retail job, just so we can have some alone time. Is there a third solution to this?
—Horny But the Roommate’s Home
Hi Horny But the Roommate’s Home,
One alternative solution would be to overcome your discomfort about having sex while someone else is in the house. Another option would be to move into your own place (even though your neighbors might be able to hear you if you’re really that loud), but that might not be financially feasible. So where is this uneasiness coming from? Do you believe others don’t have or enjoy sex? Or that they don’t make noise while having sex? Do you think your roommate (and neighbors) are unable to use earbuds or put on some loud music to drown out any unwanted sounds? You could look at the possibility of discussing this issue with your roommate—a good friend of yours—and see what their comfort level is. They may not have a problem with it, and if they do, at least you’ve opened a conversation to request some alone time every now and then.
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